About a Bug & a Bean

The End

A little over a year ago my grandmother passed away from COVID pneumonia. She had many pre-existing conditions that never seemed to slow her down. Over the course of a one month hospital stay, we watched as COVID took all the fight out her. I will never forget walking my grandma into the emergency room two weeks after she first got COVID. I replay this decision in my head often wondering if bringing her to the hospital was the right choice. It was the day after my youngest daughter's second birthday. The first sign that something was very wrong was that she couldn't walk next door to our house to celebrate. My youngest daughter was her pride and joy and reason for living. I had been checking her oxygen daily since she tested positive for COVID and on this day it was below 90 and staying there. My mom and I decided it was time for the ER. This day marks the beginning of the end of my time with her.

The doctors immediately noticed her oxygen as a concern and when they performed a chest x-ray they noticed the beginning of pneumonia. They thought she could benefit from a few day stay in the hospital to get heavily treated with antibiotics. They wanted to transfer her to a hospital that had more experience with COVID patients. I waited all night with her until the ambulance brought her to the new hospital, checked out her room at the new hospital and made sure she got all situated comfortably. I had no idea that this room would also be my home for the next month as I watched her slowly deteriorate day by day.

The beginning

Although this post started at the end, the 34 years prior to this are what is important in this story. For 35 years, my grandma was my absolute best friend and my rock. I didn't even realize how integral she was in my day to day life until she got sick and I watched my life slowly crumble. This blog is hopefully going to focus on the 34 years where my grandma helped raise me and grow into the person I am today. One of the things I loved doing with my grandma was sewing, although I was never very good! She taught me how to read patterns, cut out the pieces, make clothes for my girls, and enjoy the art of sewing. On Fridays my grandm and I had a routine of grocery shopping at Aldi with my girls followed by picking out fabric at JoAnn or Hobby Lobby.

We had a joke about my grandma that she loved each new child that came into the family just a little bit more! I was her first grandchild and her and my grandpa did absolutely everything to give me the world. When I was 5 years old, they moved right down the street from my parents so they could see me every day. Then, my brother came into the family. He was 3 days old when he came to our house as a foster child. As the best gift to our family, he was able to be adopted a couple years later. Even though in my grandma's eyes I could do no wrong, somehow that love expanded even more when my brother came into our lives. He also could do no wrong, but he was the magical healer who healed my grandpa's arthritis (so swore my grandma)! When my children were born (their first great grand-children), they discovered a whole new reason for living. The sun rose and set on those children until the days that both of them passed.

a Bug & a Bean

This brings me to the title of this blog post and the title of my small sewing business, a bug & a bean. The name is derived from the nicknames of my daughters. My oldest daughter we call bug. She has always been the sweetest little cuddle bug and so dainty like a lady bug. The youngest on the other hand is a wild ball of energy like a coffee bean. Together our two girls are a bug and a bean. They both enjoy helping come up with ideas for crafts, picking out fabrics, and testing out everything I sew.

I don't really have much of a plan for this blog except remembering and sharing moments. I am finally at the point where I am able to really think about her and talk about her without feeling an overwhelming sense of greif. Even as I write this over a year later, I still have tears streaming down my face, but I hope the posts will evolve more into a place with like-minded people to share sewing projects, joy over finding new fabrics, tips and tricks, etc. I also hope we can all come together to share our experiences with grief and remember those that have made us who we are today.